What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Vodka?
Forever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
