i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
