It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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