Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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