I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
