Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
