She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
