i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
