that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
