yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
