I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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