Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
