Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
send nudes
from the living room?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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