my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
