just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
