Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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