Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
