I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
