just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
