What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
