Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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