woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
