Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
