I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
