Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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