I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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