butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
