so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
