she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
