Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
