I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
