so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
