i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
