Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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