Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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