you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
