my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
