Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She even gives head with a lisp.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
