Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
