I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
