Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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