Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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