I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
