9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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