I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
