Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
