I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
