maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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