the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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