Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My cat gives me a boner
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
