fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
