If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
