I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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